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Phone System Reference Document

Last updated: October 2025 Read this when you're second-guessing yourself

The System (Current Setup)

Devices:

Key Rules:

Why This Specific Design:

Why This Exists: The Real Story

The Baseline (2017-2021 - Boarding School): You know what life feels like without smartphones. You've lived it:

The Fall (2021-2025 - Post-Graduation + COVID): Got your first smartphone. Lockdown happened. Instagram, TikTok, reels, infinite scroll.

Lost 4 years to this.

You've been fighting to get back to that boarding school version of yourself ever since. Not because boarding school was perfect, but because you were present, useful, and alive.

Current Battle (August 2025 - Present): This specific system is your most effective attempt yet. It's not your first try - you've been experimenting with restrictions since 2021. This one actually works.

The Why (Read This When Doubting)

Surface reasons:

Deeper reasons:

  1. "I want to get back to the person I was - deeply engaged, leading, connected to community and faith"

  2. "I refuse to let apps steal another 4 years of my life"

  3. "I want to be present and useful, not numbed out and useless"

  4. "Men are attracted by looks, and social media completely warps my perception of reality. Some girls look nothing like their posts IRL (or vice versa). Worse, it makes me fixate on people far away while missing the ones actually around me. I refuse to be a victim to this while I'm looking for a life partner. I need to be in the REAL MOMENT with REAL PEOPLE."

That last one? That's the secret weapon. Social media isn't just stealing your time - it's stealing your ability to notice and connect with real people in real life.

You can't find a wife while your brain is optimized for highlights reels of people in other states.

The Evidence (Your Own Data)

When The System Works:

What happens:

How you feel next day: "I cannot thank myself enough" - more present, relaxed, no guilt, actually accomplished something real

Key insight: Boring home = good. Boredom is the feature, not the bug. It forces you outside and into real life.

When You Relax Restrictions (The Pattern):

Most recent example (Last Weekend - October 2025):

The rationalization: "I'm working on a personal side project, I need browser access for testing at home"

What actually happened:

The kicker: This is NOT the first time this exact pattern has happened.

The real lesson: Your brain is VERY GOOD at finding "legitimate reasons" to relax restrictions. The reason is never the real outcome. You could have done that project on work Mac anyway.

The Pattern (Empirical Reality):

Setup Outcome
Strict restrictions Feel great, get out, sleep well, present, no regrets
"Minor flexibility" Everything falls apart, guilt, rushing, isolation, exhaustion

There is no middle ground for you. 2-3 months of data proves this.

Responses to Your Doubts

"Everyone else has a normal phone, why can't I be normal?"

Short answer: Because "normal" phone users are also miserable, they've just normalized it.

Longer answer:

You're not broken for needing this system. You're awake.

Most people your age:

You have 4 years of data showing you can't moderate. That's not a character flaw - it's self-knowledge.

Analogy: Alcoholics don't ask "why can't I drink normally like everyone else?" They accept their brain works differently and build systems accordingly.

Your brain is hijackable by infinite-scroll algorithms. That's the reality. Fighting reality is exhausting. Accepting it and designing around it is freedom.

The real question: Do you want to be "normal" (addicted and coping), or do you want to be alive?

You were student government president for 1500 students. You led a church community. You had 7 leadership roles.

That's not normal. That's exceptional. And you can't get back there with Instagram reels stealing your attention.

"I need [browser/flexibility/app] for this legitimate thing"

This is the #1 failure mode. Read carefully.

Every time you've relaxed restrictions, you told yourself it was for a legitimate reason:

And every single time:

  1. You didn't actually do the thing you claimed you needed it for
  2. You fell into the scroll-hole instead
  3. Your week got destroyed

The truth: There is ALWAYS another way to handle the "legitimate thing."

Your brain lies to you about urgency. It's very good at manufacturing "legitimate reasons" because it wants the dopamine hit.

The test: If you're reaching for parent Mac (or thinking about relaxing restrictions), ask yourself:

"Is this ACTUALLY urgent/important, or am I just bored and wanting an excuse?"

If it's truly urgent, it can wait until tomorrow morning at work. If it can't wait, it's probably not about the stated task - it's about the addiction.

"What if I miss something important?"

Ask yourself: In 2-3 months of using this system, what actually-important thing have you missed?

Probably nothing.

What you're NOT missing:

What you ARE missing:

The irony: Your fear is social isolation. But your own data shows:

The thing you're afraid of missing is the thing causing the problem.

System Vulnerabilities & Defenses

Addressed Vulnerability: Parent Mac at Office

The problem: Anytime you think of a "reason" to access it, you can walk over and relax restrictions.

The solution: Handing off parent Mac to sister (different state) in 2 weeks when you meet in person.

Why this works:

Addressed Vulnerability: Browser on Personal Devices

The problem: "Whitelist only" feature has iOS/iPadOS bug - works on iPhone, breaks on iPad (allows all websites).

The solution: NO browser on personal devices at all. Period.

4+ rated apps can open browser dialogs for sign-in, but you can't navigate freely. That's the point.

Potential Future Vulnerability: On-Call Rotation

The concern: What if on-call paging requires higher-rated app?

Reality check:

Worst case: On-call week = borrow work phone, or sister does video call to temporarily adjust (then re-lock after rotation).

Long-Term Strategy

Don't Plan to "Graduate" From This System

Wrong mindset: "I'll do this for 3 months, build discipline, then go back to normal phone"

Why that fails:

Right mindset: "This is how I want to live. The restricted phone makes that life possible."

You're not a 5-year-old with a restricted phone. You're an adult who built a system that works for your specific brain.

When to Revisit (Maybe)

Timeline: 1 year minimum (July 2026 at earliest)

Prerequisites: Only consider revisiting if your life is dramatically better:

Test protocol (if you revisit): Remove restrictions for ONE WEEKEND ONLY as controlled experiment.

Likely outcome: At that point (1+ year from now, thriving life), you won't WANT unrestricted access anymore.

People with rich real lives don't crave infinite scroll.

Alternative Long-Term Plan: Keep Restrictions Until Major Life Change

Your idea: Keep restrictions until marriage or similar milestone

Why this makes sense:

Why this might not matter:

Better frame: Keep restrictions until you've built a life you don't want to escape from. That might happen before marriage. It might be the thing that LEADS to marriage (because you're present enough to notice and pursue real people).

Emergency Reminders (Read When Tempted)

When you want to relax "just this once":

  1. There is no "just this once." Your pattern proves this. Every "minor flexibility" becomes a spiral.

  2. Your brain is lying about the urgency. Whatever you think you need right now can wait until work Mac tomorrow.

  3. Remember last weekend. Late to work. Messed up sleep. No hygiene time. Guilt. Exhaustion. Is the "legitimate reason" worth that?

  4. Remember boarding school you. That guy led 1500 students without a smartphone. You don't need what you think you need.

  5. Remember the dating truth. Every hour scrolling Instagram is an hour NOT noticing real women around you in real life. You can't find a wife through a screen.

  6. Check the data. Strict system = no regrets next day. Flexibility = regret every time.

  7. Play the tape forward. If you relax now:

    • Tonight: scroll for hours
    • Tomorrow: exhausted, late, guilty
    • This week: routine destroyed
    • Next week: fighting to get back to baseline

    If you don't relax:

    • Tonight: bored, maybe read or call a friend
    • Tomorrow: grateful, rested, on time
    • This week: building the life you want
    • Next week: even stronger

Which version of next week do you want?

The Bigger Picture

What you're actually doing:

This isn't about "phone discipline." This is about reclaiming 4 lost years and not losing another 4.

You're 22-23 years old. Fresh grad. Great job. New city. Single. These are the years that set the trajectory for your entire life.

Option A (Normal):

Option B (Your System):

You already know which one you want. That's why you built this system.

The hard part is ignoring social pressure from people who chose Option A and need to normalize it to feel okay.

A Note on "Extreme"

People will say this system is extreme. They're right - it is.

But you know what else is extreme?

Your system isn't extreme. The alternative is extreme.

You're just the only one treating it like the emergency it is.

Final Word

You built this system because you love yourself enough to protect your own attention.

Most people don't. They'll judge you for it while their own lives slip away.

Let them.

You know what you're going after. You've lived the alternative (boarding school you). You know it's possible. You know it's better.

This system is the bridge back.

Stay on the bridge.

When in doubt, re-read "The Evidence" section. Your own data doesn't lie.

When tempted, re-read "Emergency Reminders." Play the tape forward.

When judged, re-read "The Bigger Picture." You're not trying to be normal. You're trying to be alive.

Built to stay focused. Living the system.